1
Take responsibility for your own happiness. Save yourself several hours of arguing by remembering this one rule: it's not up to anyone else to make you happy. Sure, you can choose to be in a relationship with this person and derive joy and happiness from it, but it's not your partner's responsibility to dig you out of a pit every day. That's a tall order for anyone.
Change your mindset. Don't expect that being in a relationship will solve all your problems — it won't. Instead of expecting it to make you totally happy, choose it as something that contributes to your happiness in addition to other choices, such as hobbies, friends, family members, your job, and so on.
Recognize depression. If you find that you're consistently unhappy with almost everything in your life and you don't feel like it's something you can change yourself, seek professional help. Depression can severely strain a relationship, and unless your partner's a trained psychiatrist, you can't expect him or her to fix it.
2
Devote time to each other. Make spending time with your partner a priority, even if it's a little inconvenient at first. Relationships need shared experiences to grow, and you're demonstrating that nurturing yours is important to you.
Take up a hobby. Learning something new together can help you grow closer, as well as discovering a leisure activity you both enjoy. Try sports like tennis or basketball, learning a new language, cooking, crafting, or whatever else you've been wanting to try.
Find small ways to serve each other. Doing small acts of service for your partner shows that you're aware of what he or she needs, and you're willing to help out. It doesn't have to be an extravagant gesture: make dinner, take care of a small errand, or offer a foot rub at the end of the day. Don't make it a big deal, and don't automatically expect payback.
3
Develop better communication. Most people aren't born great communicators — it's something nearly everyone has to work at. The way you talk to your partner might seem small, but you do it several times a day and it does have an effect. Consider these fixes:
Don't use directive language. Try to keep phrases like "you should" or "you can't" out of your relationship. You and your partner are equals, and neither one of you should have the authority to direct the other.
Relay your expectations. If you expect your partner to do something, say it. Don't expect that he or she should read your mind, and don't rely on hints. Being clear about what you want gives your partner a fair shot at succeeding. (And keep the above point in mind: instead of "You should take the garbage out every day," say "I'd really like it if you took the garbage out every day.")
Say "please" and "thank you." You should be able to let loose around your partner, so there's no need to worry about having impeccable manners all the time. The exception to this is asking nicely and expressing gratitude when your partner does something — don't just assume he or she knows how you meant it.
Fight fair. Don't just let all these good communication skills go out the window during an argument. Try to get your point across in a loving, respectful way that doesn't seek to hurt your partner. If he or she insists on yelling or throwing insults, quietly request a calmer attitude.
4
Be realistic. Every relationship has disagreements and days when staying isn't the easiest choice. But what makes a relationship healthy is choosing to resolve those problems and push through the hard days, instead of just letting issues and resentment fester.
Review your expectations. Do you see your partner as a person, with both winning qualities and flaws, or as someone you expect to be perfect? If your expectations are so astronomical that no one could live up to them 100% of the time, you're setting up your relationship for failure.
Accept that conflict happens. If you expect to be in a long-term relationship, you're bound to have the occasional disagreement. Remember that one argument isn't the end of everything, and there's no person on earth that you'd agree with all the time.
5
Admit your mistakes. If you know you've done something to hurt your partner, intentionally or not, own up to it. Humble yourself and apologize sincerely, without making excuses or justifications like "I'm sorry you made me angry."
Commit to changing your behavior. If you notice yourself apologizing for the same mistake over and over, step it up a level. Tell your partner that you recognize this mistake keeps happening, and you want to train yourself to stop. Request help and ask for him or her to gently point it out to you when you're making this mistake again.
6
Practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is a decision of letting go of the past and focusing on the present. It's about taking control of your current situation.
Remember who forgiveness really benefits. Forgiving your partner absolves him or her, but it also frees you from carrying around anger and resentment. Don't view it as an entirely altruistic act — it's something you're doing for both of you.
7
Support each other. Being supportive means making your partner's happiness and well-being a priority, in ways big and small. Keep in mind that part of why you're together in the first place is that you're each other's biggest fans, so make sure you act like it. Try demonstrating your support in these ways:
Be a good listener. If your partner needs you to lend an ear, do it willingly. You don't always need to come up with a solution, just support.
Offer encouragement. If your partner is trying to make a positive change, start a new hobby, or undertake a difficult challenge, be his or her biggest cheerleader.
Provide a safe place. Allow your partner to be vulnerable in front of you without fear of judgment.
Take responsibility for your own happiness. Save yourself several hours of arguing by remembering this one rule: it's not up to anyone else to make you happy. Sure, you can choose to be in a relationship with this person and derive joy and happiness from it, but it's not your partner's responsibility to dig you out of a pit every day. That's a tall order for anyone.
Change your mindset. Don't expect that being in a relationship will solve all your problems — it won't. Instead of expecting it to make you totally happy, choose it as something that contributes to your happiness in addition to other choices, such as hobbies, friends, family members, your job, and so on.
Recognize depression. If you find that you're consistently unhappy with almost everything in your life and you don't feel like it's something you can change yourself, seek professional help. Depression can severely strain a relationship, and unless your partner's a trained psychiatrist, you can't expect him or her to fix it.
2
Devote time to each other. Make spending time with your partner a priority, even if it's a little inconvenient at first. Relationships need shared experiences to grow, and you're demonstrating that nurturing yours is important to you.
Take up a hobby. Learning something new together can help you grow closer, as well as discovering a leisure activity you both enjoy. Try sports like tennis or basketball, learning a new language, cooking, crafting, or whatever else you've been wanting to try.
Find small ways to serve each other. Doing small acts of service for your partner shows that you're aware of what he or she needs, and you're willing to help out. It doesn't have to be an extravagant gesture: make dinner, take care of a small errand, or offer a foot rub at the end of the day. Don't make it a big deal, and don't automatically expect payback.
3
Develop better communication. Most people aren't born great communicators — it's something nearly everyone has to work at. The way you talk to your partner might seem small, but you do it several times a day and it does have an effect. Consider these fixes:
Don't use directive language. Try to keep phrases like "you should" or "you can't" out of your relationship. You and your partner are equals, and neither one of you should have the authority to direct the other.
Relay your expectations. If you expect your partner to do something, say it. Don't expect that he or she should read your mind, and don't rely on hints. Being clear about what you want gives your partner a fair shot at succeeding. (And keep the above point in mind: instead of "You should take the garbage out every day," say "I'd really like it if you took the garbage out every day.")
Say "please" and "thank you." You should be able to let loose around your partner, so there's no need to worry about having impeccable manners all the time. The exception to this is asking nicely and expressing gratitude when your partner does something — don't just assume he or she knows how you meant it.
Fight fair. Don't just let all these good communication skills go out the window during an argument. Try to get your point across in a loving, respectful way that doesn't seek to hurt your partner. If he or she insists on yelling or throwing insults, quietly request a calmer attitude.
4
Be realistic. Every relationship has disagreements and days when staying isn't the easiest choice. But what makes a relationship healthy is choosing to resolve those problems and push through the hard days, instead of just letting issues and resentment fester.
Review your expectations. Do you see your partner as a person, with both winning qualities and flaws, or as someone you expect to be perfect? If your expectations are so astronomical that no one could live up to them 100% of the time, you're setting up your relationship for failure.
Accept that conflict happens. If you expect to be in a long-term relationship, you're bound to have the occasional disagreement. Remember that one argument isn't the end of everything, and there's no person on earth that you'd agree with all the time.
5
Admit your mistakes. If you know you've done something to hurt your partner, intentionally or not, own up to it. Humble yourself and apologize sincerely, without making excuses or justifications like "I'm sorry you made me angry."
Commit to changing your behavior. If you notice yourself apologizing for the same mistake over and over, step it up a level. Tell your partner that you recognize this mistake keeps happening, and you want to train yourself to stop. Request help and ask for him or her to gently point it out to you when you're making this mistake again.
6
Practice forgiveness. Forgiveness is a decision of letting go of the past and focusing on the present. It's about taking control of your current situation.
Remember who forgiveness really benefits. Forgiving your partner absolves him or her, but it also frees you from carrying around anger and resentment. Don't view it as an entirely altruistic act — it's something you're doing for both of you.
7
Support each other. Being supportive means making your partner's happiness and well-being a priority, in ways big and small. Keep in mind that part of why you're together in the first place is that you're each other's biggest fans, so make sure you act like it. Try demonstrating your support in these ways:
Be a good listener. If your partner needs you to lend an ear, do it willingly. You don't always need to come up with a solution, just support.
Offer encouragement. If your partner is trying to make a positive change, start a new hobby, or undertake a difficult challenge, be his or her biggest cheerleader.
Provide a safe place. Allow your partner to be vulnerable in front of you without fear of judgment.
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